?

Log in

STRESS and NERVES

it's thirty days till the first day of classes, i haven't enrolled yet, and i haven't mentally, physically, and psychologically prepared/psyched myself up for all the anguish that would be coming this school year [i'm going to be a junior in high school], despite the overly positive -- and uberly irritating -- outlook i've had a couple of months ago. of course, a couple of months ago, the core of my existence hasn't been broken, pummeled, and crushed hard.

i miss so many DARNED things and stuff and people around these days; it's hard to decide who i miss the most, who should get the biggest part, what i would trade the whole world for it to become my present and my future. it's just that i miss so many things and so many people all at the same time -- it overwhelms me -- and if i were a teensy bit more faint-hearted, i would've passed out already. it's like this overwhelming need is so strong... i can almost feel the gravitational pull of the person or thing i'm missing the most -- whatever or whoever that may be -- dragging me towards it, inch by inch... the force of millions of strings and millions of steel cables is pulling me, and though i WANT to do it, i KNOW i shouldn't. the world doesn't work that way - at least, not in this corner of the space-time continuum. (When in Rome...)

i had this dream last night.
i was at some assembly -- q's last day, the last day on this part of the world. i was running through the auditorium filled with people scrambling to find their seats. i was chasing, running, searching for him. i found his face after all that time -- which i'm not sure whether it was hours, minutes or seconds -- and ran, sprinted towards his direction, the front row. Run, i did, i kept running for what seemed like infinity, seeming to never reach my destination. i needed to tell him, though he probably already knew. yes, he probably knew. once i noticed that that my distance from him was slowly but gradually decreasing, i felt a faint shimmer of hope. he suddenly stood up, not seeing me, and walked away. i felt my chest shatter like brittle glass, splintering my soul. i followed him still - trying my damnedness to ignore the cuts and pricks of the imaginary glass - found the direction he went, but to my anger and frustration, it ended on a locked door. i banged once on the door like a demented maniac and slid my back on the door, tears of anger and desperation streaming down my anguished face, as i realized that i wasn't ever going to see him again, and that he would never know the truth as i know it.
http://www.kawaiinot.com/icon241_kawaiinot.gif

hunting elves

hunting elves. haha. nothing, it's just an eye-catching title.

it's just the 1st week of may, it's rainy in the summer, and some people are just annoying. has anyone ever noticed that except me? [yeah, well, probably not.] still.

really... is every human being so incoherent that they don't notice anything stemming from their most inconsequential actions?
this is so frustrating..

argh.

so... to pass the time, here are some photos of me looking silly, stupid, and trying hard. ENJOY.



in the photo above, i'm the doofus who looks like the sugarplum princess gone bad.
below, yeah, the freak wearing the short sleeved peach blouse is me.

http://www.kawaiinot.com/icon241_kawaiinot.gif

Writer's Block: Folktales of the City

What is your favorite urban legend? Have you or anyone you know ever been fooled by one?
well,, i keep getting freaked out by the one about a guy getting into the dormitory late at night. his roommate was already asleep, the lights were off, so he didn't bother to turn it on. the next day, he was shocked to see his roommate dead and bloodied, plus a phrase on the wall written in blood saying: "it's a good thing you didn't turn on the lights -- or else you too might be dead right now." it's scaring the bejeebers out of me, and i think i have phobias of dormitories now. [shudder.]
http://www.kawaiinot.com/icon241_kawaiinot.gif

Writer's Block: You Don't Know Me

Our friends don't always know us as well as they think, particularly when it comes to likes and dislikes. Which popular book, movie, band, food, TV show, etc. would your friends be surprised to hear that you don't like?
my friends would be surprised to know that i am a total sweets-addict. they've seen me eat chocolate before with composure, but if it's just me and my sibs at home watching tv, the jars and jars of candies, gums, and chocolates would almost be emptiedout. :D
http://www.kawaiinot.com/icon241_kawaiinot.gif

continuation of frustration

it's just absolutely fantastic, isn't it? to be left hanging in midair while waiting for some to catch you or get you a ladder at least (who never came) -- now, why would anyone be frustrated with that, right? urgh. i still can't get over feeling pissed off about this.i mean, duh, friends tell friends, right?! urgh. . i can't even find anyone sane to talk to or rant to(that's the point of creating this blog, anyway), and, oh yeah, V2, another old friend, disappeared on me a long time ago. see? i've crossed out every single name on my list and i'm not hte least bit relieved. i'm just so darned confused right now -- how DO i feel about this? what's in store for me? will things turn out okay? how many more times will i crash and burn? is this all necessary? (few of the questions that keep me awake at night.) sometimes, it feels like it's easier to just turn my back on those questions and face them another day.

(unless i never wake up or global warming kills us first.)
http://www.kawaiinot.com/icon241_kawaiinot.gif